I’m doing this for me. For my family, most notably my mom. I owe her a lot. Mama, keep praying for me. A few years remain, and your son is going to graduate. And save our family- live his dream.
Hopelessness, negative self-talk, and feeling like giving up often spice up my med school life. Nevertheless, I’ve got to keep going. Chase this dream, realize and live it one day. Every day I wake up ready to go again, just for you, mama.
Do I have the spirit to do this? If not, can I develop one? What does it take; what must I do to have it easy here? Med school! My fellow undergraduates greatly inspire me. They seem to have the spirit to do this or a heart. They push me to develop my own. I also want to encourage someone. To be on the move and appear not directionless. To wake up early and study all day, all week, with no days off. To not want to quit. I’m envious of them. What drives them?
The spirit. Occasionally it is there, frequently not. Today, it was there. I could feel it when I woke up. But it is gone now. Again! It lasted for a few hours, during which I scanned through a couple of pages in the Guyton and Hall Textbook of Medical Physiology. Do little things matter in med school? Because, like most days, today I did a little, if not the least. And yet here I am, calmly seated on a rock; River Sosiani is within my sight.
I’m fond of coming here. Especially when I need to be away. The breeze is refreshing. The air is pure, different. It is a beautiful sight to behold. Every rock in the river, every blade of grass on its banks: you cannot help but fall in love with the feel. It is calming to be here, and it also feels natural. Sitting on a rock, sunbathing, lost in the cold rushes of R. Sosiani, and inhaling the clean air. It is tranquilizing and presents an escape from the not-so-soothing med school setting. Do my colleagues back at college use such outs? Or do they even need one? They appear relaxed on all occasions; in the mood to be in med school. So for whom do they keep going? I’m intrigued to discover why they do this.
This game has more goals. Being here, among rocks, insects, reptiles, and birds, reminds me of my ex-girlfriend. She crawled not under a rock to find insects. Neither did she fly away. Save it! I once joked with her that I would build our family house in the forest. In nature, they say. To have vegetation and physical features as neighbors, insects, reptiles, birds, and fellow mammals as our regular guests. She loved the idea but commented it would be scary for the kids. She would bear me children! She is now pregnant, I presume. And I’m yet to build a house in the forest. Could it be that I lack the spirit again? I guess she planned to surprise me. I’ve not had sex with her. And she is pregnant!
Nevertheless, my name is not Joseph, and she is not Mary. Maybe, just maybe, she has had the holy spirit. Lovely for her. She has a spirit, precisely, the holy one.
Do my colleagues have exes? Are they doing this to prove a point? To show they are worthy of building someone a house in the forest. Am I doing this as vengeance against the ‘holy spirit?’ What kind of a spirit do I need to defeat the holy one? As for whom you, my fellow medical student, and I are doing this for, is a question I’ve been unable to answer.
Perhaps you can help me. Are you doing this for your mum, dad, or siblings, or to prove a point to those who left? Those who could not believe in you. Or is it for those who have been with you? Everyone who has pushed you to continue. Where does your spirit come from? For whom do you keep going, comrade?
